It’s Halloween, and we’ve decided to rank the spookiest characters from one of our favorite board games! Disney’s ‘Villainous’ let’s you take on the role of the baddest of baddies as you try to flip the script on classic films. What if Ursula got the best of King Triton? What if Hades conquered Olympus? What if the Evil Queen became the fairest in the land? Since the holiday calls for it, here are our Top Ten spookiest characters from Villainous!
10. Scar from “The Lion King” (1994)
9. Ratigan from “The Great Mouse Detective” (1986)
8. Hades from “Hercules” (1997)
7. Mother Gothel from “Tangled” (2010)
6. Jafar from “Aladdin” (1992)
5. Ursula from “The Little Mermaid” (1989)
4. Dr. Facilier from “The Princess and The Frog (2009)
3. Evil Queen from “Snow White” (1937)
2. Maleficent from “Sleeping Beauty” (1959)
1. The Horned King from “The Black Cauldron” (1985)
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Growing up, there were a lot of movies that I saw that probably caused at least 85% of the nightmares that I am still having to this day. I’m guessing that most of these movies were watched when I had a babysitter, and I was able to go through my parent’s collection of movies that were recorded off of TV onto a plethora of VHS tapes. We also had HBO when I was little, so I remember a few times when I’d accidentally wake up really early and sneak down to see what was on there only to be deeply horrified later. In any case, these movies have had a lasting effect on me that I will likely never forget! Without further ado, here is my top ten list of movies I should have never watched as a kid!
10. Alice Through the Looking Glass (1985)
I know what you’re thinking. Really? Alice in Wonderland? That’s a kid’s story!! Well, yes, you’re right. It’s a kid’s story…up until this ONE scene… The Jabberwocky. This thing scared the crap out of me as a kid. The worst part about it is that this was a made-for-TV movie, so the Jabberwocky scene was the LAST scene that you see of the first part before it ends. I stayed up a little bit later just to watch this movie and now I have to go to bed with that image in my mind. So many nightmares.
9. Tales from the Crypt (1989-1996)
I know this is kind of cheating because it’s a TV show (though there was a movie), but I felt like it was worth mentioning. This show was on HBO and it was on CONSTANTLY. I remember reading the TV guide and seeing “Tales from the Crypt” marathons filling up the entire evening. I never wanted to watch this show, but my parents liked it. I could get through maybe a third of just the intro before I had to leave the room. I knew if I stayed long enough to have to see even a second of the Crypt Keeper, there would be little sleep for me that evening.
8. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
Okay, this is one of my favorite movies of all time. The first time I ever saw it, I was glued to the edge of my seat the entire time – which is pretty impressive for a mostly hyperactive child. I’m pretty sure I even wanted to be an archaeologist after watching this movie. BUT there is one scene that made this movie mostly unwatchable for me after I saw it, and that’s when this happens… There were two other movies on this particular VHS tape that we had recorded. I wouldn’t even touch this tape for years just because I knew that scene was on there.
7. Class of 1999 (1990)
This movie is a little more obscure but I remember seeing it when my parents were out and we had a babysitter (it was really our only other chance to watch HBO). A short summary – it’s the future and gang violence is out of control. Schools are more like prisons who have armed guards at the front door that will check in any weapons that students have in order to prevent any outbursts. Playing off the recent popularity of The Terminator movies, the head of the school decides to try out new robot teachers in an attempt to keep the students even more in control. The plan backfires when the students learn that the robots used to be used for military operations, and are a little more hardcore than they originally expected. In one scene, a teacher punishes a student who isn’t cooperating by breaking his back and killing him. This causes the gangs to band together and use the school as a battleground for an all-out war against the robot teachers. So there you have it in a nutshell. You can see the appeal for a kid to watch a movie about students rebelling against their teachers. But…a robot teacher KILLS a student in front of the entire class. You can imagine what sort of effect that would have on a young mind.
6. The Lost Boys (1987)
Again, another movie that isn’t as well-known as others, but we had it on our VHS tapes, so I eventually ended up seeing it (actually, after writing this, I now realize that this movie is more well-known than I thought!). The reason I ended up watching it in the first place was because it had Alex Winter and Corey Feldman who I both really like from “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure” and “The Goonies” respectively. Those two movies were pretty kid-friendly, too, so this movie must be okay! Nope, we’ve got vampires. I had NO idea that this movie was about vampires. It’s called “The Lost Boys!” I thought maybe it had some connection to Peter Pan. I was wrong.
5. Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)
Speaking of vampires, I was 8 when this movie came out. It was a HUGE deal. There was so much marketing for this film. It was all over the place. I didn’t see it in the theater, but the first chance we had to rent this movie, we did – and somehow my parents were okay with that (I think they wanted to see it as much as I did). Well, it’s rated R, so I got what was coming to me. The imagery in this film is definitely NOT for a child’s eyes. And we have Dracula looking like this: I believe it’s this scene where Dracula comes out and breathes flames onto a cross that’s supposed to be protecting our heroes. I had played tons of vampire games by this time, and I knew how vampires were supposed to work, so when Dracula basically just gives a giant middle finger to that classic way of warding him off, I was blown away. I remember thinking something like, “Why isn’t that working?? WHY ISN’T THAT WORKING!!!?”
4. The Gate (1987)
Yet another movie that a part of our illegal VHS collection! Again, most people probably haven’t heard of it, but it’s a very interesting concept. A group of kids (it has kids in it so it’s a kids movie, right!?) are digging a hole in the backyard and mistakingly discover a portal to Hell. I don’t really have to say much more than that. In fact, you should check out the trailer to this movie. It will give you a good idea. There’s a scene where an eye starts growing in the middle of one of the kids’ hands. To get rid of it, he uses a giant shard of glass and stabs his own hand. I will never unsee that scene. The rest of the imagery in this movie is equally as terrifying. I think this is where I first got the idea of having monsters under my bed, too.
3. Poltergeist (1982)
Why did I ever watch this? This movie just constantly messes with your mind. I think I thought it was okay because the Dad is the main character from “Coach” and that was such a funny show. Again, I was wrong. First, we get the creepy lady with the weird voice who is supposed to make the poltergeist go away. Then, she doesn’t even do it right so you have no idea how they can even fix the problem. Later, we have the guy from Coach jumping through a portal to go after his daughter while we wait for an uncomfortably long time to see if they ever come out again. This movie scared me so much that I remember one night I even had to have my Dad check for ghosts in my room before I went to sleep. It was weird, it was creepy, and it made me constantly think I’d see random objects flying around my house. I also gained an additional fear of static on a TV screen. Cool!
2. Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)
When I first saw this movie, I was big into Bozo and his grand prize game! This movie really turned my perspective around on clowns. Again, another case of mistaken identity when I think the movie will be okay because clowns are funny. This whole list is turning out to be about how I was extra naive as a child. Anyway, in this movie, we have giant clowns going around town and turning people into huge globs of cotton candy which they then store on their spaceship so they can use straws to suck out their blood for feeding. The clowns look mostly harmless at first and usually lure people in with their charm, but then this happens: Clowns ruined forever. Sorry, Bozo.
1. Gremlins (1984)
How fitting that the movie that I shouldn’t have watched the most came out on the year of my birth! I saw this movie when I was in 1st grade. 1991. I was 7 years old. The effects of this movie carried over into my schoolwork as I remember for an art project I drew a picture of a giant gremlin and then wrote underneath, “A grimlin skiered me!” (I couldn’t spell very well yet). The reason I drew that particular picture is because I had watched the movie the night before and had very vivid nightmares about it. I still remember the nightmare. I was playing in my backyard in the evening and gremlins came from all over to attack me. I tried hiding under our boat, but they were everywhere. That was it. This movie could very well be the source of all my crazy nightmares. No amount of Carebear movies could ever erase this movie from my mind. Looking back at the movie today, it’s more silly now than scary. But to the mind of a 7 year old, sweet little Gizmo spawning an army of reptilian demons is not so friendly.
What movies do you remember from your childhood that you probably should have never watched?? Leave me a comment!
For computer-users who just wanted to kill “a few minutes between meetings” (or spend their entire shifts playing Free Cell), the games of Microsoft Entertainment Pack paved the way to casual gaming long before we had access to that sort of fun on our phones. Released between 1990 and 1992, these games were made by Windows employees essentially when they had a minute or two, and they were given little to no funding for their work. In total, four volumes of games were created over the two-year period, and a Best of Microsoft Entertainment Pack was released in 1994. The success of these games even saw a Game Boy Color release in the year 2000. I enjoyed these games because they were accessible and fun to play on the fly. A personal favorite was Chip’s Challenge which had an extraordinary number of puzzle levels that kept me seated for far longer than the typical MEP gaming session (see my Mayz article for more of my thoughts on the game). Do you remember these games? Let me know about your experience in the comments!
Rattler RaceRodent’s RevengeMinesweeperTetraVexTetrisPipe DreamDr. Black JackTriPeaksFree CellSkiFreeTaipeiChip’s ChallengeGolfJezzBallTut’s Tomb“No more boring coffee breaks!”
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My second post in this series comes from a dream I had on August 19, 2016. To give you some context, my friend, Anna, is a singer/songwriter who used to regularly play shows in my hometown at one of the local coffee shops. Over time, we became friends, and I eventually had the opportunity to perform with her on a semi-consistent basis. She’s a fantastic musician and she has great stage presence, so I think this dream stemmed from some anxiety I had about being a private teacher, though I hadn’t yet really gotten into the lesson scene at the time. Later, I love how another friend, also named Anna, appears at the end of the dream to represent some hope for Anna #1. Anyway, read on below to see what I’m talking about!
I dreamed that I was helping my friend, Anna, find a voice teacher because she wasn’t confident with her stage presence and wanted to take a few lessons to help her improve.
I found this random guy at a small liberal arts college. In order to get to his office, we had to traverse down this hall that turned into a vertical scrolling video game where you would have to travel up a river while avoiding spinning lasers. When we completed the game, we arrived at his office.
It was a square box made of glass and you could see him inside patiently waiting with a notebook in hand. He had built a “stage” in his office which consisted of a corner that was painted black and had a curtain that could be pulled over; presumably so students could practice their entrances. A microphone was in place to complete the effect, though it still looked rather shabby.
We entered the room and it was immediately awkward. The teacher had shoulder-length grey hair, glasses, and a stubbly beard. He wore a t-shirt with khaki shorts and a pair of sandals. He had Anna go up on stage to perform a song as he observed from the opposite corner. I sat and watched as well.
Anna, feeling uncomfortable, pulled the mic close to her and started singing Taylor Swift without any accompaniment. It went on for some time, and you could tell her heart wasn’t in it since it was clear that her only two audience members were there to judge her stage presence. She tried closing her eyes. She tried gesturing with her hands. The song just kept going on and on. Finally, the teacher cut her off.
“Okay,” he said while looking at what he had written in his notebook. “That was good.”
He paged through his notebook a little more. Seconds went by as we waited in silence. He made a few more notes.
“Yeah,” he muttered, still looking at his notes.
It dawned on me that he had no idea what he was doing. I felt horrible to have brought Anna to some random no-name guy. It said he was a voice teacher. I thought he could help! I began trying to think of where we could go next to erase this horrible experience. First, I thought, maybe she needs to take a dance class; learn some control over her body so she can have full confidence while she’s performing. Then, I thought, you know who has good facial expression? Anna T. We should take a lesson from Anna T.
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Summer is dwindling down, and “Back to School” ads are popping up all over the place. Having just wrapped up my Master’s degree this past spring, I don’t have to worry about going back to learn. BUT, a new adventure awaits! I’ll be going back to TEACH! I found out just over a week ago that I’ll be making another move to start my new position, and I cannot wait to dive in.
As for blog posts, I figured what better way to celebrate than to take a look at teachers as they’ve appeared in video games. What do they teach? For most of them, I have no idea! In any case, below are my top ten instances of professors in games!
10.Pocket Professor: KwikNotes Volume One (Game Boy Advance 2006)
“Basic reading ability is needed to fully enjoy this game.” – From the back of the box.
If you were living in 2006 and for some reason didn’t have the internet but you did have a Game Boy Advance, then you were in luck! Pocket Professor: KwikNotes Volume One was there for all your educational needs. In a nutshell, this “game” served as a fast guide to facts of all types for students to prep for things like quizzes, final exams, the ACT, and more. I really love that the developer chose to include “Volume One” in its title as if this series was going to explode so much that it would spawn multiple sequels.
Unfortunately, the Pocket Professor never got tenure, and he’s most likely spending his time hanging with his colleague, Professor Brainium, as they try to figure out their next career move.
At the very least, this game actually had puzzles.
9.Professor Monkey-For-A-Head from Earthworm Jim (Super Nintendo/Sega Genesis 1994)
“Ah, dessert! Chilled monkey brains!”
Not only did Professor Monkey-For-A-Head invent the famed ultra-high-tech-indestructible-super-space-cyber-suit that is found by Earthworm Jim, but the brilliant inventor also gifted the world with pay-toll toilets and atomic bananas. This makes me wonder if Prof. MFAH was the person/chimp behind all the wonky weaponry in that other game with warring worms.
Apparently, the professor has quite the temper, too. According to the original instruction manual, you shouldn’t “call him ‘Monkey Professor-for-a-head’ or he’ll get really steamed!” His rage is understandable, though, as his super suit invention was never intended for Jim but instead for the “evil Queen Pulsating, Bloated, Festering, Sweaty, Pus-filled, Malformed, Slug for a Butt.” Of course, he could just make another one, but the monkey ate his blueprints! Don’t forget to save your work, kids.
8.Professor Shikashi from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time & Majora’s Mask (N64 1998/2000)
“I always say that it is important to develop your interests while you are young!”
Castle Town, Clock Town, and then Kakariko Village… this guy truly was born a ramblin’ man (in both senses of the word). Professor Shikashi (though, unnamed in OoT) teaches Link about all sorts of worldly wonders. His knowledge runs deep as he wanders the streets talking about the Sheikah, the man who lived where the well now sits, and the history of the “fabulously rich family.”
In Majora’s Mask, Shikashi is in charge of the Astral Observatory, and it is he who first notices that something weird is going on with the moon. I wonder if my city has an old man that walks around downtown spouting knowledge about local legends. You know what, maybe I should just stay inside and try not to think about the impending doom from above.
7.Professor Frankly from Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door (Gamecube 2004)
“Of course I remember you. Not to toot my horn, but I’m pretty good at remembering.”
Head of the archaeology department at U Goom, Professor Frankly researches legendary treasure. He plays an important role in The Thousand-Year Door by analyzing the magical Crystal Stars that are used to open the ancient entryway.
Frankly is unique in that he is only one of two Goombas that have square teeth instead of pointed teeth. Clearly, he must be a vegetarian – and subsequently he’s probably one of the “cooler” professors on campus with his progressive thinking and zany stories. It’s the glasses, right?
6.Professor Sidney Ruffleberg from Secret of Evermore (Super Nintendo 1995)
Pre-dating Taylor Swift by 25 years.
Come with me and we’ll be in a world of pure imagination. Professor Sidney Ruffleberg must have been inspired by Willy Wonka when he decided to build a machine that could teleport people to new worlds that were based on their thoughts and imaginations. Unfortunately, because of the actions of a slightly evil robotic butler, he and the three friends who helped him test the machine became trapped in their new locations for 30 years. In the jungle you must wait until a random boy and his dog discover your machine and accidentally get sucked in, too. Wait, that’s not how that went… Anyway, without Ruffleberg, we wouldn’t have this quirky knock-off Secret of Mana-esque adventure where everything is made up and the points don’t matter.
5.The Professor from Ape Escape (Playstation 1999)
“It works! It actually works!”
Simply known as “The Professor” in the Ape Escape series, this master of science is thankfully not stranded on an island with Gilligan. However, he IS the reason why a bunch of “damn, dirty” apes are trying to rewrite history and take over the world. Screenwriting 101 tells us that every time a Professor tries to test a newly-invented time machine, SOMETHING is going to go wrong. When a bunch of hyper intelligent apes jump though time, it’s up to YOU to send all the manic monkeys back to the future.
4.Professor T. Bird from Battletoads (Nintendo Entertainment System 1991)
I 100% plan to use this quote in the future.
“Okay, let’s break out the sodas and junk-food – it’s party time!” In an era where everyone was trying to capitalize off of the success of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Samurai Pizza Cats, Street Sharks, Biker Mice From Mars, etc.), Battletoads found some footing as a classically impossible NES game that somehow always had us coming back for more.
Like Splinter to the Turtles, Professor T. Bird acted as a mentor for the Battletoads, offering sage advice from his spaceship, “Vulture,” in between each level. Surely, the “T” stands for Thunder, and I’d love to believe that the Professor is this character from Zelda II only years later after getting a few diplomas. For whatever reason, T. Bird didn’t appear in the most recent releases of Battletoads games, but I’m definitely hoping for his return (and his snarky remarks on the continue screen) if we ever see another sequel.
3.Professor Elvin Gadd from Luigi’s Mansion (Gamecube 2001)
“If I told anyone else, they’d have me committed.”
Elvin? ELVIN? Eeeeeeelviiiiiiiin!!! No, he’s not a chipmunk, but he’s almost the same height. Professor E. Gadd first appeared in Luigi’s Mansion back in 2001 where he lived out his childhood fantasy of helping Don Knotts (Luigi) in The Ghost and Mr. Chicken by inventing a vacuum cleaner that sucks up ghosts. E. Gadd, owner of Gadd Science Inc., also provided gadgets and gizmos for many other Mario games.
Among his array of other creations, he was the inventor of F.L.U.D.D. in Super Mario Sunshine, a Magic Orb in Mario Party 7, and the Super Poltergust 3001 vehicle in Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga. Personally, I love that E. Gadd fills the role of the crazy scientist in the Mario universe, and I hope to see much more of him in future games. Notice, too, that he has the same kind of glasses as Professor Frankly – apparently they are quite popular in Japanese media!
2.Professor Samuel Oak from Pokémon (Game Boy 1998)
“People call me the Pokémon Prof!”
I just rewatched the beginning sequence of Pokémon Blue, and it’s amazing that Professor Oak knows so much about Pokémon but can’t even remember the name of his own grandson. Too distracted by his work, I guess. Also, it’s interesting that the second that our main character, Red, tries to leave town, Oak IMMEDIATELY stops him and says that he needs a Pokémon for protection. Have the children of Pallet Town never tried to leave the village before? Is Professor Oak always watching the exit to make sure no one goes without choosing a starter Pokémon first? What’s with Professors in media always teaming up with younger boys to help them out????
Regardless, Professor Oak could have been “the very best” had he not given up battling to become a researcher. Not only did he invent the Pokédex device for cataloging your creatures, but he also provides you with your first Pokémon: Bulbasaur, Squirtle, or Charmander. In future generations of the game, his role is filled by the likes of Professor Elm, Professor Birch, and Professor Rowan. Oh, I just noticed! They’re all trees! No wonder these professors try to stop you when you when anyone leaves. ::ba dum tss::
Honorable Mentions:
Professor Putty from Claymates (SNES, 1993)
Professor Pac-Man (Arcade, 1983)
Professor Hector from Gyromite (NES 1985)
Quistis Trepe from Final Fantasy 8 (Playstation 1999)
“If you think and worry too much, everything tends to turn bad.”
Mario Teaches Typing (MS-DOS 1992)
“Okie-dokey. Get ready to move your fingers.”
1.Professor Hershel Layton from Professor Layton and the Curious Village (Nintendo DS 2007)
“A true gentleman leaves no puzzle unsolved!”
Hershel Layton is a professor of archeology at London’s Gessenheller University (where he no doubt studied with Professor Frankly, right?). I always thought of Professor Layton as a modern-day Sherlock Holmes with his protégé, Luke Triton, acting as a stand-in for Dr. Watson. Together, the pair solves mysteries and crimes in nearly the same manner as the classic Holmes & Watson duo. In actuality, Layton’s design was influenced by Phoenix Wright, and there was even a crossover game between the two characters in 2012.
The gameplay itself consists of nothing more than clicking on various locations on the map before being asked to solve textbook puzzles that I’ve seen in old books at my grandma’s house. While simple in design, the game’s story and characters pull you in with beautiful hand-drawn animation and a cast of voice actors who truly bring the action to life.
I ended up getting at least the first couple games on my Nintendo DS a few years back and challenged myself to complete as many puzzles as I could (without looking up the answer). They were exactly the kind of games that I needed in the moment when I had a few spare minutes and I wanted to engage my brain. It has been awhile since I’ve played a Layton game, but I could easily see myself coming back to the Professor for just one more lesson.
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In high school, StarCraft was one of my most-played computer games alongside other online multiplayer favorites like Counterstrike and Worms 2. I can still recall the first time that I discovered the game. My friend and I had been up all night drinking cream soda and playinganother Blizzard classic, Warcraft 2, when we suddenly noticed a CD tucked away under a pile of stuff. A strange, alien creature was silhouetted in blue on the cover, and the title was similar to the game we had been binging for the last several hours. “Wait a minute… is this Warcraft…but in SPACE!?!?!” We had to try it out right away. While we couldn’t even win one game by the time the sun started to come out the next morning, little did we know the journey on which we were about to partake. After a short time and several burned copies later, all of our friends were playing StarCraft and we were hooked.
A number of years later after writing my interview with a goomba, a friend challenged me to compose another video game-themed story. Knowing my extensive history with StarCraft, he prompted me to write “A Day in the Life of a Zergling.” Inspiration struck immediately, and below was the result of my feverish typing. I hope you enjoy!
I remember it like it was just a few minutes ago – because it was.
At first, there was just darkness. I could feel myself sort of pulsating, and at the same time, I was growing at an incredible rate. I wasn’t alone. Together, we were heaving against the walls of whatever was encasing us. It didn’t take long before – POP! The case burst around us, and we were suddenly propelled into this strange new world.
Almost immediately, my mind was filled with new information. Within seconds, I knew exactly what I was, and I knew everything that was happening around me. That’s the magic of hive minds. I learned that our race had just formed a new settlement close to a mineral patch that was recently discovered. I could see the drones already hard at work harvesting the minerals and taking them back to the hatchery. High above the hatchery were a couple overlords patrolling over the area. Even though I was far below them, I could still see in my mind what they were looking at. Before I knew it, one of the overlords shifted its direction and started making its way through a black area in the north. I couldn’t explain it, but for some reason I felt like its movement was a little unnatural – almost as if something else decided that the overlord should start moving northward. I thought nothing of it, and continued to observe what was happening around me.
Beside me this whole time was my brother, who came from the same egg as me. It appeared as if we were the first zerglings in the entire colony. Behind my brother was the spawning pool, which we both knew was the source of our origin. Just glancing at it made me feel like I could run faster or attack more aggressively…but I knew something was missing in order to make that happen. Beyond the spawning pool, a drone made its way to the outskirts of the creep. I got that same feeling that it didn’t go out there on its own accord. As soon as it reached the far edge, its body suddenly planted itself into the ground. It began to bubble and enlarge as if it were being filled with helium and sulfuric acid at the same time. I couldn’t really understand what was happening to it. After just a minute of watching this strange transformation, I realized I was no longer looking at a drone, but a full-fledged creep colony. I knew the drone wasn’t dead. It lived on inside the new structure. In fact, it WAS the structure… living and breathing just as every part of the colony does – including the buildings. Just moments later, the creep began jutting out further into the unknown territories beyond us. Our little colony was expanding right before my very eyes.
I heard an explosive sound to my right. An egg had burst and, in seconds, an overlord had floated high up into the air. Immediately after that, two other larvae that were next to us turned into eggs. Something big was about to happen, but I didn’t quite know what. Then BAM – it hit me. The overlord that had flown to the north had seen something, and just as it saw it, I saw it in my mind, too. There were three buildings. The first it saw appeared to be a large gray box. There were two men wearing red-robotic looking suits, and they were holding weapons of some sort. Next to that was a smaller building that appeared to be producing supplies for the men. Further along the way, there was something that looked similar to our hatchery. It was huge metallic building that was rounded at the top. All around it, machines were delivering minerals to a door in the back of it. Suddenly, I felt pain! Through the overlord, I glanced down at the ground. The two men had seen the overlord and were firing at it! I sensed that something made the overlord turn back. It slowly floated towards safety, but the men chased after it. I could feel the pricks of bullets piercing the skin as it flew. I knew it wouldn’t make it very far. Twenty more yards til it’s over the water. The men were relentless. Ten more yards. They kept firing. I could feel the overlord growing weaker. Five more yards. It was slowing down. Then… SPLISH. That was the last sound I heard before that part of my mind was shut off.
Without warning, I found myself running. My brother was with me, and there were four others like us. As I looked behind me, I could see our colony falling back into the horizon, and I just barely noticed the shells of two freshly hatched eggs lying next to the hatchery. I turned back around and focused on our destination. Although I could hardly see anything in front of us, I seemed to already know we were heading toward that area in the north. None of us made any noise as we ran swiftly into the darkness. As we made our way forward, the darkness would dissipate into nothingness and the fog would clear up immediately. It was quite magical the way this worked.
We had only run for maybe a minute, and I could already see the buildings in front of us. It didn’t look like they had very much built yet, but then again, I had only been alive for a few minutes myself and already was on my way to a battle. I felt a hint of red to the right of us and without thinking, we all started running toward it. It felt really strange how uniform our movements were. It was like someone had already decided for us that we should go over there and we were simply obeying the command.
The zergling on the far left was hit first, but it didn’t stop him from running. Moments later, all of us were surrounding the two men and clawing at them viciously. They didn’t stop firing either. The first zergling burst into a slimy green substance, and the men weren’t phased at all. They started targeting a second zergling as we kept on attacking them. One thing was for sure, their red armor was quite strong. The second zergling was hit, but not before getting one last claw attack in at the man who had shot at him. Almost simultaneously, they both burst into a curdling pool of slime and blood. The four of us focused our strength on the last remaining man. He shifted his weight and picked a new target amongst the chaos – my brother. I wouldn’t let him get my brother. I slashed at him viciously, never waning as I watched him unload a round into my companion. The other two zerglings had shifted their focus and were attacking the large building that the men seemed to be originally guarding. It was just me and my brother now – hoping that the man would perish before we did. It looked as if my brother couldn’t take anymore when I unleashed a final furious attack on the man. One, two, three hits and he let out a scream as his body had burst into nothing. It seemed we would be safe after all. Not a moment too soon, though, another man appeared outside the building. He shouted, “You want a piece of me, boy?!” and with that, took aim, and fired directly towards my brother. I couldn’t do anything about it. With no time to heal, my brother was a puddle of slime within seconds. Without haste, I ran straight towards the man. He directed his fire towards me and shouted wildly as he shot. “What do you want!?!” he screamed. I was all over him, slashing as fast as I could. The other two zerglings were dealing with a new problem as the robot harvesters were now trying to take them out. It looked like I was alone for this battle, although somewhere in the distance, I felt a new presence. I slashed, he fired… I didn’t think I could take him on very long by myself. Harder and harder I tried to take him down but it didn’t seem to be effective. I felt like I was at the end of my rope when suddenly, from behind me, I heard some noises. I looked back but saw nothing. When I looked toward the man again, he was covered in a thick, sticky goo. I heard the sounds again and saw more of the goo start to seep into his body. A moment later and he was gone. I turned about again to see where the source of this goo was coming from. There were hydralisks! There were two of them. I knew I had felt something!
They took no time in starting to ravage the buildings. Most of the harvesting machines seemed to be taken care of, and a few were trying to escape. I saw a zergling running after them. Our first target was the building the men were coming out of. It didn’t take long for us to turn it into shambles. With that out of the way, we turned all of our firepower to the hatchery-type building. Just as I had started unleashing hot fury upon it, it suddenly lifted off into the air. I couldn’t reach the building anymore and was abruptly directed to start attacking the other smaller building. Again, I don’t know why – it always felt like someone was making me do the things I did.
The hydralisks continued to shoot at the command center, which was still just barely in range of their venom. I could see that building was heading straight towards the water, just like our overlord tried to do at the start of those whole thing. With no defense, the floating building was an easy target for the hydralisk. Before I knew it, more hydralisk were pouring in and taking aim at the weightless structure. All the while I continued to hack at my building. The flying hatchery was just barely over the water when – BOOM!!! There was a bright explosion, and it was gone. The hydralisks immediately slithered over to me to help finish the job. It took maybe only five seconds and then – BOOM!!! Our building exploded. I thought perhaps it was time to celebrate but instead everyone just paused in their tracks. Then suddenly, the entire world froze. High above me I could see in the air some words:
“You are victorious! Continue playing? Save replay? End game.”
The last thing I remember was a huge arrow floating through the sky toward “End game.”
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Whether you faced Mr. Dream or Mike Tyson himself, Punch Out for the original Nintendo Entertainment System remains one of the most memorable games of the time. Released in 1987, you control Little Mac, a 17-year-old kid from the Bronx who “loves nothing better than a tough challenge” (according to the instruction manual). Well, a tough challenge is exactly what you get if you’ve played this game. I’m certain I never made it much further than Bald Bull – and perhaps that’s the reason I stopped drawing Punch Out characters after that (or maybe I just really love my 3×3 grid and I don’t want to change my template!). The subsequent sequels weren’t any easier. While I enjoyed Super Punch Out and my short time with Punch-Out!! on the Wii, I think I was most thrilled to see Little Mac finally join the fight when he appeared in Super Smash Bros 4 for the 3DS/Wii U in 2014. Truly, I think the Smash series should act as an homage to the great characters of video game history, and Little Mac has certainly earned his place amongst the other competitors. Anyway, I’ve rambled on long enough. Please enjoy my Punch Out-themed crayon art for the week!
Glass JoeVon KaiserPiston HondaDon FlamencoKing HippoGreat TigerBald BullSoda PopinskiDoc Louis & Little MacThe final product!
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I’ve had some whacky dreams in my lifetime. In fact, my Creature Keepers short story was based on one of my zanier slumberland adventures. I’m not sure what causes them (perhaps it’s a lot like this Angry Beavers episode), but I’ve been fortunate to be able to remember a majority of them so I can put them on virtual paper before they escape me. Below is a dream I recalled from June 29, 2013 that must have been inspired by my new directing position and my part-time job working at a music store – and maybe a hint of WarioWare.
My friend and I were walking along a dirt road that was next to the ocean. He looked back and pointed out a giant brown ship that had docked next to the land.
“Ah, UPS is here. Lets wait and see who’ll be bringing us stuff today,” my friend said.
We waited as a gigantic, metallic door slid open on the back of the ship and formed a ramp onto the land. As soon as it finished extending, a normal sized UPS truck drove outside. It stopped, and then a man got out and started loading a few more packages into the back of the truck.
“That’s the owner,” explained my friend.
“It’s nice to see that even the owner gets out and does the hard work, too,” I replied.
“Yeah,” said my friend. “You know, it was actually him who was in charge of gathering the postal data from all over the world. He didn’t use the USPS data at all. He did all of his own research. In fact, he did such a good job, that now, in times of disaster, it would be UPS that is sent out to track people and make sure they are delivered safely back to their family.”
I nodded in fascination as we continued walking. We were headed to a warehouse that was just ahead. Inside, my friend led me to a room with a tv monitor hooked up to a computer.
“Have you ever seen ‘Samurai Magic?'” asked my friend.
I shook my head. He began bringing up some windows on the computer screen. I think the website was called something like http://www.rpgsamuraimagic.com. He clicked on a link and a video began to play. In the video, there was a lanky boxer with a big afro who was doing ninja moves to a J-pop song. As the video played, my friend continued to talk to me.
“Now, for your rehearsals next year, you will have two and a half hours on Wednesday and Thursday. We can add Tuesday if you want. How many times per week do you want to show this video to your group?” he inquired.
I tried not to laugh. The video was silly but certainly nothing that would be used to help teach a vocal ensemble.
I answered hesitantly, “Maybe I could show it to them once in the semester.”
My friend just stared at me as if I completely disrespected him. He couldn’t believe that I wouldn’t show the video more than one time. I glanced over at the screen, and the boxer man was still ninja kicking to the beat.
“Do you pray?” asked my friend.
“What…? What does that have to do with…”
“Do you pray!!?” he asked again.
“No…but music is more of a spiritual…”
“You better start praying.” he said.
The video ended.
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Memorial Day has come and gone and the official start of Summer is just around the corner. If you were anything like me as a kid, you probably spent a majority of your vacation not at a REAL beach but enjoying the tropical sights of your favorite virtual paradises. Below are the Top Ten instances of beaches in video games!
10. Spoonerville Island – Goof Troop (SNES 1993)
We’re the Goof Troop, and we always stick together!
When Pete and PJ are captured by pirates after a day of fishing, it’s up to Goofy and Max to brave the perils of Spoonerville Island in order to rescue them. From the very first screen, the tropical tone is set and even the instruction manual tries to get into character by mimicking some of the language of the island’s residents. For example, one excerpt goes a little over the top when informing the player how to speak to the residents. It reads:
“Down at de shore, mon, or in de volcano. De islanders always will tell you what dey know. They’re not joining up wit’ you; they’re just being nice. So press de B button, mon, and take their advice.”
I have no idea if that would be considered in good taste nowadays, but at least Capcom was trying to have some fun. Speaking of having some fun, if you’ve got the ability to “grab a friend” (shoutout to A Goofy Movie), this game is easily one of the best multiplayer experiences from the SNES era. Get your Goof on!
9. Chapter 2 Island – Startropics (NES 1990)
Inspired by the Sting song – no doubt.
If we’re talking about beaches, I can’t help but turn to the island-hopping adventure Startropics yet again. Without a doubt, this game was inspired by movies like Indiana Jones and The Goonies while the gameplay itself is similar to the original The Legend of Zelda. The above picture stands out to me because it’s the first time in the game where you have to navigate hidden passages on the overworld in order to collect key items. And, of course, finding a message in a bottle washed up on the beach is so iconic to kick off an adventure.
Here’s a fun fact… (There’s nothing I love more than some juicy tidbits from those original instruction manuals!). Did you know that the main character, Michael (Mike) Jones, is from Seattle, WA? He is! Not only that, but apparently he took a helicopter from Seattle to visit his Uncle Steve on C-Island. So, given that information, the entire setting of Startropics must take place somewhere off the coast of Washington, and it needs to be close enough to warrant traveling to it by helicopter (granted it was a “long helicopter ride”). I’ve gone ahead and given my best guess in the following image.
8. Ft. Slaughterdale Beach – TMNT 3 – The Manhattan Project (NES 1992)
Sun. Sand. Surfboards. Shredder? Talk about a party pooper.
“Palm trees and warm sand. It’s a far cry from the steel and concrete back home. But Shredder’s sent some hometown boys to bring you back to reality by kicking sand in your eyes.” This game faced kind of an uphill battle. Not only was it released for the original NES months after the Super Nintendo had arrived, but the game’s sequel, Turtles in Time, was set for release on the new system just a few months later. Nonetheless, for those of us who couldn’t yet afford to get a Super Nintendo, The Manhattan Project was a welcome surprise when it appeared on the shelves at our local rental store. My friends and I, of course, were (and still are) huge TMNT fans (see my TMNT arcade game experience from Food-uary), so we picked it up as soon as we could. How was our experience? Well, either we really suck at video games or this is the hardest fighting game we’ve played in awhile. Yeah, I recall not even being able to beat the first stage without taking some time to really learn the mechanics of the game. Part of our problem was that this game featured the addition of special moves for each character that would drain your energy every time you used it. Did we care? No!! We were enamored by these new animation frames and we were never going to stop! We eventually realized what was happening and started to use the moves more sparingly. To this day, though, I don’t think I’ve ever finished the game. Add it to the list!
7. Toronbo Shores – Link’s Awakening (Game Boy 1993)
Hoo are you? Hoo hoo. Hoo hoo.
After surviving a ship-destroying storm while trying to return to Hyrule, Link wakes up on the sandy shores of Koholint Island that coincidentally makes reference to several other Nintendo franchises (“But it wasn’t a dream. It was a place, and you and you and you…and you were there! But you couldn’t have been, could you?”). In order to return home, Link must find a middle school marching band to play rowdy music outside the Yoshi-egg home of a giant, flying whale. His first task has him journeying to the south in order to recover his sword along the coast. How incredibly lucky is it that Link just happens to have a sword that is light enough to wash up on the beach, too? Once you’ve pushed around some Gordos from Kirby’s Dream Land, you finally recover your trusty weapon only to be greeted by an owl who spends eternity telling you important plot details. Meanwhile, I want to know where Link went before his ship was busted up by lightning. The manual says that he was on his way back to Hyrule after going on a “quest for enlightenment, in search of wisdom that would make [him] better able to withstand the next threat to [his] homeland.” So, what did he learn? Any guesses? This would have been after A Link to the Past and before the Oracle games. I’ve got nothing.
6. Brimstone Beach – The Curse of Monkey Island (PC 1997)
Oh, cabana boy…
“The Brimstone Beach Country Club and Smorgy is the exclusive resort hideaway for only the most discerning pirates and their families. Here, you’ll be pampered by a courteous staff…ugh…always eager to meet your every need whether it be recommending a keel-hauling class, finding a fourth for bridge, or giving a golf lesson on our award-winning course designed by ‘Peg Leg’ Malloy. Free valet ship parking included.” – The Cabana Boy of the Brimstone Beach Club kiosk.
A few minutes later, our hero Guybrush Threepwood, after presenting his membership card, takes some towels, dips them in an ice bucket, and then whips the cabana boy right in the rear. I’m not kidding! Because of this, he runs off and you’re free to steal his oil. Thankfully, those towels are also put to good use by helping you get across the burning hot sand. (“With these holes in my shoes, I’ll never get across that hot beach”). Then, you get this clever exchange with a nearby sunbather:
Guybrush: Would you like to join my crew? Sunbather: Oh no, babe. I’m not a sailor. I make my living off the hard work and talent of others. Guybrush: You’re a project leader on a computer game? ::ba dum tss::
Proof that early LucasArts point and click adventure games were incredibly clever – and incredibly self aware.
5. Summers – Earthbound (SNES 1995)
Care for some Magic Cake (by the ocean)?
Ah, Summers, the Eternal Tourist Trap – at least, that’s what Earthbound’s composers Hirokazu Tanaka and Keiichi Suzuki think of the seaside resort town. Their track for this sunny location is the most easy-going and relaxing piece in the game (aside from the coffee break). In the background, seagulls are chirping while the soft acoustic guitar perfectly chugs along to the light organ melody. Nothing says comfort more than this song. In lieu of writing anything else (I’ve already talked about this game during Blarch and my Iconic Mom’s article), I leave you with these sweet Summer sounds:
4. Gelato Beach – Super Mario Sunshine (Gamecube 2002)
All fun and games until the watermelon festival…
Truthfully, every bit of Super Mario Sunshine could be a candidate for this list – but Gelato Beach is the only level that actually has our theme as part of the name (also, no one cares about Sirena Beach)! I don’t think it’s the best level, by any means, but some of its most iconic moments include fighting a giant Wiggler, stomping on mirrors to launch away some Plungelos, and discovering a massive bird made out of sand. This stage also includes the most relaxing red coin mission where you simply swim around a coral reef until you’ve collected all eight. On the opposite end of the spectrum, however, is the dreaded Watermelon Festival where Mario must find the biggest watermelon and bring it back to the refreshment stand. Any false move, though, and the fruit will burst, forcing Mario to start over completely. It doesn’t help that the beach is also suddenly littered with Cataquacks who are dead set on ruining your experience. Despite this one bad mission, Gelato Beach at least has some enjoyable steel drum music to set the mood. Now….where is that gelato?
3. Opassa Beach – Chrono Cross (PSX 1999)
Serge: not just a 90’s soft drink.
I won’t lie… I played this game close to when it first came out. I didn’t understand the plot then. Even after reading about the game and watching a couple Let’s Plays, I still do not understand the plot. BUT, Opassa Beach is iconic because it’s the first time something weird happens. To sum it up, if Chrono Trigger was about time travel, then Chrono Cross is about alternate dimensions. In particular, the main character, Serge, is able to travel between two dimensions: one dimension where he had died as a child, and one where he lived his life normally. Beyond that, I have no idea what’s going. Later, Serge ends up exchanging his BODY with another character, and that’s where the game really lost me. I’m still holding out for a proper sequel to Chrono Trigger. Until then, maybe I’ll watch a few more Let’s Players try their hands at this game and see if they’re able to explain it any better.
2. Koopa Beach – Super Mario Kart (SNES 1992)
Beware of crabs.
Koopa Beach was and still is my favorite track of the original Super Mario Kart. I liked it so much that many years later, I took the time to transcribe the music so I could bring it to a jazz jam that was happening downtown. Yes, we jazz jam’d to the music from Koopa Beach. I think a big reason why I enjoyed this course so much was the ability to try to cut corners by jumping over some of the deeper water. As I got better at the game, I did more and more to try and exploit these shortcuts and soon was able to handedly take first place nearly every time. (Donkey Kong, you bojo! Those karts don’t work on water – unless you’ve got power!!!”). Of course, eventually my friends started learning the same tactics as me and then I was having to deal with the occasional banana peel that would block my way. There have been many beach-themed courses in future Mario Kart games like Peach Beach from Double Dash and Cheep Cheep Beach from Mario Kart DS, but none will ever come close to my love for the original!
Honorable Mentions:
Final Fantasy X (PS2 2001)
Sonic Adventure (Dreamcast 1998)
Lurelin Village – Breath of the Wild (Wii U/Switch 2017)
N. Sanity Beach – Crash Bandicoot (PSX 1996)
Cool Spot (SNES 1993)
1. Destiny Island – Kingdom Hearts (PS2 2002)
“If two people share one, their destinies become intertwined. They’ll remain a part of each other’s lives no matter what.”
I had the pleasure of watching a friend of mine play through the entire Kingdom Hearts game just the other week (she recently purchased the Kingdom Hearts collection for PS4 and is steadily progressing through all the games). While I’ve only played a few hours into the first game (I got lost during the Little Mermaid section), the beaches of Destiny Island do a fantastic job of establishing your character’s wants, needs, and relationships. Beyond just sparring with your friends or fetch-questing for raft items, the island urges you to explore and sets up one of the game’s bigger mysteries after finding the door in the cave behind the waterfall. I love the portrayal of Sora and Kairi as children here, and it’s fun to examine the walls to see the drawings they made so long ago. I’m not sure what part the island has to play in future entries of the series, but I’m looking forward to seeing what happens as my friend continues to play!
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This month, my friend and I have decided to trade off giving each other words as prompts for our drawings. I decided to try to take the first nine prompt and find a way to somehow apply them to the Mega Man series (a personal favorite of mine). Below are the results!
Prompt: bubble Bubble Man – Mega Man 2Prompt: bug Hornet Man – Mega Man 9Prompt: husk Bomb Corn – Mega Man Battle Network 6Prompt: chaos Mega Man from the cover of Mega Man/Sonic the Hedgehog: Worlds Collide manga, vol. 3, “Chaos Clash” Prompt: assuage Roll – Mega Man 10Prompt: flush Pump Man – Mega Man 10Prompt: hazing Young Dr. Albert Wily – Mega Man 11Prompt: socks Tama – Mega Man 3Prompt: dangledoodles Morph Moth – Mega Man X2The final product!
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Eric Hagmann Music 